Love lust & pixie dust ♥

i love my catt.

woah i havent blogged in ages, i dont know why its not like i’ve been doing much, but i guess if im not doing much i havent much to blog about. well anyway, everythings sorted now. im feeling better my feelings have swayed to the one side and i am pleased about that.However some feelings may always remain but aslong as i still have this love, im safe.

so this weekend was actually lovely, free from work. however i left a few pieces of work that i still have to do dammm. spent the weekend with my gorgeous new cat sooty who is the cutest thing ever & of course with my hubby Matttttttt. i wouldnt say everything about him has improved there are still faults but an overall improvement in our relationship which is good & he treats me way better noaaawww.

We spent the weekend basically having a bit of a lazy one. town on saturday, then matt took me out to pizza hutt and we shared a pizza, that was well lovely. we babysat saturday night which was stressful though as my brother is a little shit to put it nicely. didnt get them to bed until twelve so we didnt have very long to ourselves. then we watched this movie which i cant remember the name of and 500 days of summer. we snuggled up and fell asleep in each others arms with the cat snuggled in between us aha. then today we watched loads of south park and alice in wonderland however i didnt get up untill two. but it was amazing anyway. i love him alot. forever. Mathew Hayden James ♥

MellHDKN xo

cmmnt. my video entry for a competition. we spent ages on it. thank you guys. x

yes i may sound like a complete & utter lezzzer, but seriously where wouldwe be without our best friends. emma archibald your the fucking best, ok. this girl is an absolute angel and i honestly dont know what i’d do without her.

she always knows when im upset, and she always talks me through whats up and by the end of the conversastion i always feel better. we have so much fun together, it’s like i almost cant stop laughing when were together. we have such starnge wacky ways when were together, but isnt that what best friends are for?

she’s seriously just helped me through so much and without her, right now i’d be so lonely. i can speak to her about anything, she wont judge, she will only advise and i love that about her. also she’s absolutely beautiful and anyone who tells her different should be fucking shot.

she’s the most considerate and kind person i know, she’s so loving and deserves be treated like an angel by everyone. she really deserves the best in life. whenever she’s around i feel so much more comfortable and i feel at ease. you really couldnt ask for a better friend. she would never leave me like others have done so im so grateful and i just thought i’d rant about how much i love her!

i love you emma archibald. x

♥ forever a place in my heart.

MellHDKN xo

i dont know why but tonight i feel really down in the dumps.

i hate it when i think of what could’ve been, what would’ve been if certain things didnt happen. i hate it when you defend people, and then you end up looking stupid because you find out the person you had been defending shouldnt have you defending them at all and infact they are what the person makes them out to be. you see their true colours.

i miss so many people that are missing in my life right now, i need to come to terms with the fact that they are irreplaceable. nothing is going to make that pain go away. im never going to have as much fun as i once used to. i now have to grow up, come to terms with life. maybe i’ll settle down in life one day but eventually i will loose more people and i’ll miss them and so the circle continues. im scared to live life, it would be so much simpler if i didnt have to. i know this post is really depressing but i treat tumblr like it’s my diary.

i write down all my feelings good or bad. at the moment the bad outweighs the good by far and im a little bit tearful. hopefully tomorrow will be a much brighter day. i wish my life had been planned out for me, i’ve made so many mistakes now i have to live with them, like skeletons in your closet.

maybe im exagurrating, my life isnt that awful but i feel so upset right now and i dont even know the cause. stress. loneliness. & love… maybe?

i also miss my beautiful friend evie roberts also, why did she ever have to leave. i hate living each day without her. yes i do still have some good times but its just not the same and i think emma would agree. she’s irreplaceable to  me. i lost one of my bestfriends and it was one of the sadest things that has happened in my life, i mean i cried infront of everyone.. that has to say something. the only time i ever cryis when im alone in my room. all alone with all the thoughts inside my head.

MellHDKN xo

Yesterday was so much fun, we spent it recording the rest of my mic check video entry. we went down to the common fair, me, matt & justine & had a pretty sick time. shame more people couldnt have turned up but it was was still amazing !

the day consisted of, filming the fare, filming us on the dodgems, getting filmed on the dodgems, going on the twister, being filmed at the park, filming the sun set, feeding the ducks rocks, attempting to skin rocks, playing with the cute cute cute puppy, laughing at matt, playing that air hockey game and so totally beating justine, filming my victory, making sexual jokes, saying “that’s what she said”, laughing, eating, drinking, sitting, standing, talking, more talking.

so yeah basically it was pretty good. matt won me a bear, well its not really hard to win it seeing as its “prize every time” but still £2.50 it costed him. then we walked to town and we found £70 on the floor, matt only took £30, cause he felt bad incase someone looked for it later. went to kfc and ate. got home and watched endless episodes of southpark, then fell asleep basically.

woke up this morning at what lie 6.30 am. the light shined in our eyes too much. wasnt nice. buttt we watched harry potter and the chamber of secrettttsss.so yeh we hadd funn. im now at home awaiting the charger so that i can edit this shindig in order to attempt to win dis hadouken competitioonnnnn.

HOPEFULLY.

eek cant wait to see it all. i’ll post the full version on here later.

MellHDKN xo

♥

my best friend, means the world .x